B is for barren

barren [bar-uh n] (adj): 1 not producing or incapable of producing offspring; sterile: a barren woman. 2 unproductive; unfruitful: barren land.

In my first post, I referred to Psalm 113:9. It discusses that the barren woman will, at some point, have a happy home and children. The Bible says a lot about barrenness. In fact, there’s five major stories of barren women that stand out. Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Hannah, and Elizabeth. 

The one people are probably the most familiar with is Sarah, the wife of Abraham. Sarah was infertile for 39 years before she became pregnant with Isaac at 90 years old. 39 years of barrenness!! And yet, she believed and God answered her prayers. If you don’t know the story of Isaac, definitely look into it. Great stuff!

The story that sticks out to me the most, though, is the story of Hannah. Oh, how I admire her strength. The Bible goes in depth and paints a very clear picture of the pain and agony Hannah endures emotionally as she prays continuously for a child. She gets to the point where she’s in a place of such brokenness that she stops eating. And yet, she still hands it over to the Lord. Eventually she goes on the have SIX children.

Ok, I know. You weren’t expecting a Sunday school lesson while you were here. So why is this important? Allow me to explain.

You see, I relate to Hannah on such a deep level. I have had days where I legitimately could not bring myself to get out of bed. My poor husband would sit at my bedside and stare helplessly at me and hold my hand as he asked me what he could do. I’ve had days where I thought I couldn’t do this for even another second. Days where I’ve yelled, screamed, and shouted at God. I’ve questioned His goodness because how could He do this to me, His child? Didn’t He love me? Of course He does. There’s nothing that I have done or ever will do that will change His steadfast love for me. 

Still, I got to a point where I was broken down to probably my lowest level. And that night, a very dear friend and amazingly strong sister in Christ got very real with me. She told me truths I didn’t like hearing. I almost hung up on her. I cried and I got filled with absolute anger toward her. She had the audacity to tell me that I didn’t trust God, even though I said I did. How could she say such mean things to me? What did she know, anyways!? You know that saying about the truth hurting? Yeah, that. 

Turns out, she was right. And I slowly took the advice she gave me that night. Bit by bit, I chipped away at the wall I’d built. My death grip on the illusion of the control I had slowly started to loosen. There’s a quote I encountered during that time that will forever stick with me. “In order for God to show us He is in control, He has to put us in situations we can’t control.” Obviously there’s a special “Mallory” clause that states that you also have to have a friend get really real with you on top of that because you’re just too stubborn to let it go, but that’s beside the point. 

*pause. This is one of my favorite photos from our wedding. Praying right before the ceremony with one of the biggest prayer warriors I know!*

So where do I stand now? Well, I’d say my wall is nearly gone. There’s just enough between God and I that I can reach out to Him and allow Him to hold my hand, but I just need to step over that last couple rows of brick so that we can walk side by side.

I’m so very blessed that we have an absolutely incredible support system. I’ll tell ya, there won’t ever be a child more loved or covered in prayer than our baby will be. I get to know some of the strongest prayer warriors this side of Heaven, and they’re praying for OUR baby. A baby that has been chosen for us by God, whom He has shown me in my dreams. And allow me to be very clear: no thing and no one in this world has the power to put a stop to what God has already set into motion. No weapon formed against us shall prosper. Why? Because our God is a big God, and guess what? We’ve read the back of the book. Spoiler alert: God prevails! Our miracle is coming, ready or not, like it or not. We just have to wait a little extra and work a little harder to get our baby. But we WILL get her.

Fortunately, I am in good company in my barrenness and waiting. Countless strong women (and men) have gone before me, and they survived. That’s because barrenness isn’t forever, it’s just for now. You see, when God created the world, He created it ALL. When He said “it is finished,” He MEANT it. He didn’t say “this is a work in progress,” He said it was done. That means He knows the very moment of conception of our miracle. The moment she will take her first breath. The moment of her first step, first laugh, first word, who she will marry, all of her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. He knows ALL of those things! I need only to wait. “The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.” -Exodus 14:14

Fruitful thoughts,


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